Hello all,
Although this is not fashion, music or art related, I thought I would share it anyways because it has become a big part of my life. This is something personal, rare, raw and something probably all of you can relate to.
-A few days ago I had the pleasure of having my heart broken. The relationship was just under a year old and of course, ended right before Christmas.. New Years and and OH … 3 days before my final exams for university… Perfection! Fact of the matter is, I loved this person, they didn’t love me and insisted that they never would, therefore we must break up. Regardless of whether this was true or not and regardless of all of the reasons I can think up in my head as to why this person doesn’t love me… I love me, my parents family and friends love me and can think of a million reasons why I am a love able person. One reason in particular, I have a big heart. Some say that’s a bad thing but I beg to differ. I’m proud of my big heart. I give my heart, time and time again, regardless of pain and possible outcome. I give all of my best efforts and all I have to offer even knowing, in this case, I gave way more than what was deserved, but still, I love this person with all of my big, beating heart and it felt wonderful knowing I was capable of it. My heart is absolutely aching, being torn between the want for them to come back and the understanding that deep down, somewhere in the back of my mind I know something was wrong and this happened for a reason. To sit down and watch your worst fear come true, your relationship quite literally dwindling to its end in front of your face, despite you’re constant trying to help or fix it, is almost more of a heartbreak than losing the person particularly. Feeling given up on and knowing that feelings were not mutual is numbing. Watching this person quite literally walk out of your door to never hear from them again… Is numbing. I am numb… but I am not dead.
If any of you are going through this as well, I feel so, so deeply for you. I would never wish this pain upon even my worst enemy, but remember this… You may be numb… But you’re not dead.
Thank you for listening/ never stop loving.
Xo
-G
THE VAULT 